Puberty
by The Deranged One
Summary: Artemis while in the midst of puberty, it could be a follow-up to my Bonding story, but you don't had to have read it though. one-shot, extreme OOC on Artemis's part. Rated T to be safe, nothing too bad. R


**All right, this is pretty much just a story about Artemis dealing with puberty, sort of a follow-up to my story Bonding, but you don't have to have read that one to understand this one. Yes, Artemis is extraordinarily OOC, but all I can say is deal with it. Thanks…**

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Artemis snuck out of the library, clutching a thick book on physiology, where, in fact, several ripped out pictures of models dressed in lingerie posed.

Looking both ways down the hall, like a little kid looking both ways before they cross the street, he loped down the hall towards his bedroom, where he could have some quality time with the models.

Just as he was about to reach his door, his thoughts filled with the sweet, sweet victory of not getting caught, Juliet rounded the corner, along with both his parents.

"HEY! Arty!" said Juliet, "have you seen my Cosmo magazines? I can't find them anywhere!"

Artemis Sr. and Angeline stood beside Juliet, waiting in silence for her to finish speaking.

"Arty," Angeline started when Juliet was done, "I invited over the Jensons, you know that lovely family, the father is a lawyer, and they have quite a beautiful daughter I hear, maybe you could find something in common with her."

Her husband sighed, seeing where this was going. Ever since Arty had turned 14, she had been bothering him to get a girlfriend, worried that he would spend life alone forever.

Artemis, for the second time since he was six years old, stuttered, answering Juliet,"Er..n-no Juliet, I, uh, I haven't seen y-your magazines, perhaps you left them in the library."

As he said this, his eyes betrayed him by shifting from Juliet's face back to the giant book.

Thankfully, Juliet didn't notice and shrugged, walking down the hall towards the library.

Artemis's parents followed, having delivered the news of the Jensons.

Artemis breathed a sigh of relief, thanking every god known to mankind, and even some monkey gods **(A/N don't ask)**.

He pushed open the door, and taking care that it was firmly shut, he set down the book he was carrying and journey over to the stereo.

He put on some Britney Spears music and began dancing along with it, singing.

Fortunately, the no one was currently in that wing of the house, as it would have been highly embarrassing, Artemis was attempting (in vain, I might add) to dance the *thriller dance in sync with a totally different song.

Additionally, Artemis Fowl the Second singing Womanizer was not a pretty sight, particularly as, being in the middle of puberty, his voice was constantly cracking.

Sauntering over to a picture of Brittney Spears, which was well hidden beneath a poster of the periodic table, he whispered cheap pick-up lines to the pop star's picture.

"Hey baby," he said in a husky baritone, "was your father a thief, because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."

With that wonderfully corny phrase, he began snogging the Brittney's picture.

While Artemis was making out with Brittney, he also contemplated another time he had use one of those lines…

**----------FLASHBACK-------------**

_Artemis spotted a blond chick on the beach (he and his family were vacationing in California)._

_Strutting up to her, he gave what he believed to be a gorgeous grin, which was really just a cheesy smile, that honestly made him look like he was mentally frisking her, he said_, _Hey beautiful, are you a parking ticket, because you have fine written all over you."_

_The girl had not been pleased with this, looking disgusted; she put her nose in the air and walked away._

_Artemis wondered if she had some sort of mental issue, NO ONE could resist him…_

**--------------END FLASHBACK---------------**

Artemis stopped snogging Brittney, turned on another song, this time by Lady Gaga.

As Just Dance filled his room and his eardrums, he went back over to the images he'd ripped from Juliet's magazines, he began kissing them too.

That damn puberty just wouldn't give up, would it?

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***The thriller is a song by Michael Jackson, and the dance that goes along with it is somewhat well known.**

**I really have nothing to say, just thanks for reading and please review…eh…maybe?**

_._


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